Why “Tolerance”& "Complacency" Is Putting You in Danger

Most People haven't got a Clue when it comes to protecting themselves and loved one

Just because you're a law abiding citizen a good person or make a 6 figure salary, doesn't mean shit when life rapidly moves away from the laws of the land

We are predators and with dominance at heart, we may no longer be going out on the physical hunt for our food but we still gather it each week by popping down to the local supermarket. 

We are not trying to physically secure our clean water source, but ensure we are aren't getting ripped off from our water supplier. 

Men can go out to work and come back home in one piece, with a good percentage of their wage with only the government taking their cut and providing protection. 

And the likelihood of a child not returning home from being away from home for most of the day is roughly 0.15%

The risks we once faced are no longer so prevalent, however there are new and bigger risks of concern these days.

So how do you manage and educate your family and friends on these? 

Simple, you need a standard operation procedure! SOP; these are a ball ache in the working environment but critical for family and tribal alliances.

This is a basic SOP model I run through in our Juniors, Eskrima and Self Defence programs. It can be applied to any walk of life and combat sports too, but most people train Muay Thai and Boxing for the blood, sweat, hard skills and glory. 

Step One: List and Identify the risks/activities you're currently taking now, in your daily, weekly, monthly and auto pilot modes then list the potential Risks and Hazards that you could encounter. 

I.e. sending your child to the shops to get bread and milk.

Risks & Hazards to factor in; the time they are going, the weather conditions, their clothing, the route, mode of transport, are they super friendly and speak to anyone, what they are taking with them; cash, cards, phones, headphones, vapes; their emotional state; are they willing to go to the shop or are you focusing them. 

The list can become endless so choose the top 5 to 7 things 

You can do the same with driving to work, a traffic incident, using the cash machine, someone stepping up to you in a crowd bar after work.

This isn't creating a list of what things to be paranoid about, it's about understanding the limits and knowing your boundaries of your capacities and capabilities: physical, emotional, verbal, political etc….  

Assuming that something wont happen you is wishful thinking, we all know how to cross the road or to drive slower and put your lights on in heavy rain. 

How long can you really continue with that level of complacency?

Let's talk about limits and boundaries for a second.

For the past 2 decades in the UK, there has been so much talk about how tolerant we are and should be “WE ARE A TOLERANT SOCIETY, A TOLERANT NATION”. 

In my Opinion True warriors are not Tolerent, they live a life of acceptance first and then choose what to tolerate. NOT; tolerate something first then choose whether or not to accept it.

Its reactive vs proactive!

Warriors accept there are bad things that are happening to their people, whether or not they choose to tolerate it, is another thing.

You may accept you're fat and lazy, but how long are you going to tolerate eating rubbish and not moving? 

You accept you don't fit in with the social demographic at the most popular social spot, do you tolerate the shortcomings, ignorance, physical and social aggression; so you can be there and have a piece of the pie?

You accept your job is shitty, the managers are complete A-holes, how long are you going to tolerate to continue to work there just because it's a comfortable and easy means to an end? 

You accept your style of parenting, that letting your child play 8 hours of video games or tik tok has caused them to be emotionally dysregulated which they become erratic and dysfunctional in less than a blink of an eye. Are you going to continue to tolerate their bad attitude and your failings? 

Or are you going to problem solve to reinforce your acceptance criteria or set new standards? 

Tolerating first, puts you in a weak position as someone else is telling you this is what your limits and boundaries should be. 

But hey, you might think something different to this. 

Step 2: The Game Plan. 

A basic 5 point game plan which can be used for both Violent & Non-violent and Social & Asocial interactions 

1. Situational Awareness: of whats going on around you and whats going on with you

   
   

2. Having an element of Situational Control, whether that's physical, emotional, verbal, environmental, social etc

   
   

3. Being Pre emptive or Being able to recover quickly to engage; the shots have been fired but who was first and what responses where given, you're fire fighting knowns and unknowns all at the same time

   
   

4. Continuing with the interaction either from being pre emptive or recovering from the back foot to get your desired result 

   
   

5. Escape/ Mutual social compliance form the interact 

And then we cycle back to Situational Awareness.

Rinse and repeat 

Each of these points are a subjects within themselves and we have barely scratched the surface. 

Step 3: Feedback loop 

Feedback loops are powerful processes for those who are in the “how do i improve or better myself by 1%, each day” club. This mentally is how the British cycling team dominated the Olympics. 

A method I use; is to list the things that “What Went Well VS What Needs Improving”.

Not “What Didnt Go Well”.

This is feedback we are looking for improvements not listing failures, this is using NLP to frame a better response and steer away from a submissive, defeatist, failure way of thinking, it helps to process any attached emotion in a constructive way.

So lets take the above example of:

 “You accept you don't fit in with the social demographic at the most popular place to be or social spot, do you tolerate the shortcomings, social ignorance, physical and social aggression; so you can be there and have a piece of the pie you want to taste so much?”

-You know you don't really fit into the social settings of the spot you're going to but youre with work friends who you've bonded with over the past 3 years

-You're at the bar, ordering drinks and chatting to the hot barmaid, a guy who nodded at you in the toilet about 15 minutes ago is standing next to you trying to get her attention and he doesnt like being ignored, his had a shitty day at work and wants to a few jars to relax and unwind ASAP. 

-You smile politely at him, turn back round and “POW” you get hit in the back of your head with a pint glass, it rocks you. However you recover and start retaliating, drinks go flying, you are now getting hit left right and center by his mates, youre giving as good as you get, one of your work friends comes to your aid because the other two are outside having a smoke.

-You're grabbed and thrown out of the venue alongside all your work friends. Your rib hurts, clothes ripped and frustrated because it was not your fault. And your mates are pissed at you as they can no longer go to the number 1 spot. 

-You go back to work the next day, and the whole office knows what you did, your manager and HR pull you in and your colleagues start becoming reversed with you, when wanting to meet up after working hours.

There's the story, I'm only going to list a possible 3 from each “What went well Vs What Needs improvement” 

Im sure you can find more!

What Went Well	What Needs Improving
Have friends at work that want to socialise outside of hours	Better decision making when going to venues
Being polite and smiling	Using more verbal social interactions than just body language ques
Recovered after being smashed on the head with a glass	Knowing who is around me, friends and unknowns

Once you have created your list you address the What Needs Improving column first; find the root cause and implement the best Corrective and Preventative measures. 

And if a similar situation occurs and you're tuned into our situational awareness your corrective and preventative measures will be truly pressure tested. If It works? fantastic, if not ? back to the feedback loop and finding the primary root cause, not just the contributing factors. 

I use this method every time after a sparring session, they ask me what should they do?  I've given them the same tools that I have learnt and it is down to them to make it work. 

They are not me, they don't think like me, they don't move like etc… Getting them to self critique is a powerful journey.

And now you have these tools too. 

See you on the mats 

Rick